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Could I lift my mother out of the depressed state she was in and instill a desire in the sad woman to talk with her estranged daughter again.The problem, if I succeeded in projecting an emotion at all, was how to connect the projected emotion with Sandy. I could try to project desire, for example, but how could I project a desire for my mother to speak with Sandy? But even more was involved. The desire should include not only speaking with Sandy but also making peace with her and accepting Sandy's break with the church - complex issues to handle with mere emotions. Still, I'd believed I'd understood Pearl's attitude, and at the time, her attitude consisted of complicated issues similar to what I wanted to project. If I could receive and understand the totality of an attitude, could I project one?While I held Mom in my arms, I visualized a reunion between my mother and my sister, a reunion of the happy sound of their voices speaking with each other on the telephone, and I added the. I end up just as dry at the finish as at the start.”“And when I’m doing you ... Do you think about me? Or do you think about Allen?”“Um...” Damn! I shouldn’t have hesitated.“That’s what I thought. You can’t hide the fact that you want a man. Your hungry little twat wants a hunk of male pumping his come into you.”“That sounds so gross, Lily.”“I meant it to. But you can’t deny that’s what you want. I could see your eyes light up as soon as you saw Bruce. You were flirting with him before I even got out of there with Emily.”“Damn it! I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry!”I was getting pretty upset. I loved her. Why couldn’t she just leave it at that? She’d shown me what gentle caring love was like. I’d lived another whole fucking life and never knew that. I could learn to love licking her and if I didn’t love it, it was a small price to pay.But what was worse was that she was right. I did fantasize about Allen mounting and plunging into me when she was licking me. I did flirt with Bruce. I did.
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